Doin Good

      So guys, whoever reads, I've been doing good, which is really good.  With having bi-polar I go through so many ups and downs.  Whether it be hourly, daily, weekly, or monthly.  The last few weeks have been good.  It was really good, on Saturday I went snowboarding and played basketball after with some good, old friends.  My meds help me stay stable.  If I don't take them for a day or two, I go through withdrawals, which sucks way bad.  Once I was off them completely and it was terrible.  I did it for a girl who was 30 and I was 19.  She took advantage of me and made me do a lot of stuff I didn't want to do.  I ended up lending her money and she said she would repay me but never did.  This made me really angry towards her.  I went into a lot of debt because I spent a lot of money on her and her clothes.  I would buy her jeans that were 300 dollars, 500 dollar purses, etc...  Well guys I just wanted to let you know I'm doing very well.  Hope you're all doing well too. :)

Getting Better

Well you guys who read this, I've been doing better.  I almost lost my job because my supervisor and I don't get along so well.  We got in an argument and had to go talk to the boss.  I left early that day saying that I wouldn't work with my supervisor anymore.  My boss called me later and said, I don't have another job for you so you just need to get along with your supervisor.  So, I came in this week and my supervisor has been treating me well.  He's actually giving me compliments on my work.  It's nice to get compliments every once in awhile.  My sobriety has been going well.  I've been sober for almost 8 months.  With this bull shit court stuff for me getting a DUI is lame.  I was high or drunk.  So we're going to fight it.  I think we'll win.  I wrote down my goals in life, that made me happy.  I like looking at my goals so on the day I can work towards my goals.  I have a way good friend I get to talk to, I tell him everything.  It feels good to have someone know everything good and bad about me.  St. Patties day was a hard day.  I was around a bunch of drunks and alcohol.  I was tempted to drink but I didn't.  So guys, I'm doing good.  If you care, then thank you, and have a great day, I'll have one too.

I'm Confused

I'm kind of an idiot.  Over this weekend I showed like 7 people the cuts on my legs and they're really bad.  I don't know what I was thinking.  I just attract negative attention towards myself.  It's not good.  I've been having a hard time.  I have to sell my car that I just got a month ago, because of all this jail shit and my family isn't in a good money spot right now.  I just got my stereo system put in, and was so happy.  Now it's all gone.  I'm really depressed right now.  I got in a fight with my supervisor at work and almost got fired.  I'm lucky to have a boss that understands my situation in life.  If he didn't, I wouldn't have a job.  I'm really grateful for my friend Alex.  He picks me up wherever I am and we go do fun things.  We get coffee a lot.  I keep thinking I can't handle anymore of the bull shit and that I want to give up.  It just doesn't seem worth it.  I kind of want to die.  See what's on the other side.  But I'll keep pushing forward and do my best at this game called life.  If anyone reads and relates, that's my goal.  To have people relate and know they're not alone.  So, I'll write you guys soon, if anyone reads.  Hope you're doing well.  Have a good day.

Jail Time

So you guys who read,  I have had a hard week.  Work wasn't good.  I got sent to jail because, I ran a red light, I was driving on a suspended license that I didn't know about, and supposedly didn't pass the sobriety test, even though I was sober.  I was tired though.  They said they didn't believe me that I was sober but I was.  I had to sit in jail on a concrete bench for 12 hours.  It really sucked.  Then my parents bailed me out, once again.  When I was in there I met a way hot stripper.  We talked a lot.  So it wasn't too bad in there, it just sucked cause they wouldn't let you put your feet up or lie down to get some kind of comfort.  You just had to sit up and it wasn't fun.  I walked home from jail.  It's only 3 miles.  But the next day I fucked up with some stuff.  

I've been getting coffee a lot down at Coffee Break downtown.  I meet a lot of cool people there.  It's been good down there.  I like spending time there writing and drinking coffee.  I met some cool girls tonight, they're beautiful too.  Then we went back to their house and had crazy sex.  Ha ha not really, we played guitar hero.  So things have been good and bad.  I just need to look at the positives.

Who The Fuck Even Cares?

I don't know who reads this, but I must sound like a self-pity fool.  I'm sick of it.  All I do half of the time is be depressed.  I feel like no one in my life understands.  I feel like I'm a negative part of others lives.  Well, I don't know what to do.  I want to cut, but I haven't for a week and a half and I know it wouldn't do me any good.  Fuck...  What should I do.  I don't know weather to just isolate in my room or just keep being a negative influence on peoples lives.  I hope someone will write something.  I'm hurting right now and need some advice on what I should do.  I don't want to work.  My supervisor is so negative and it ruins my day.  I want to quit work.  Do any of you who read this even fucking care?  Or do you get some kind of joy out of reading about so depressed fucking idiot?  Whatever, I just don't know.  Why the fuck was I born with this stupid fucking illness?  All it does is make me think of suicide everyday, which sucks.  Well have a great day, my prayers go out to you.